Stuff Stoners Like

Today, April 22…Is Mrs. Charlotte Rae’s birtday. You remember Mrs. Garret…she took care of those annoying boarding school kids, remember there was that hot blonde, the chunker, the boy with longish hair from NY and li’l ol’ Tudy who in this special episode buys a 3-pack of BONGS!

Today, April 22…Is Mrs. Charlotte Rae’s birtday. You remember Mrs. Garret…she took care of those annoying boarding school kids, remember there was that hot blonde, the chunker, the boy with longish hair from NY and li’l ol’ Tudy who in this special episode buys a 3-pack of BONGS!

Did you know that there are exactly 420 chemicals found in marijuana? Or, did you know that some group of hippy dippy teeny-boppers back in 1971 at some San Rafael High school would meet after school at 4:20 p.m. to smoke up some weed near some Louis Pasteur statue? Or maybe you heard that some avid fans of The Grateful Dead would get stoned at 4:20 each and every day. Eh, maybe that’s all just bullshit! But, who really knows exactly why 420 is so important to stoners anyhow, and, well…who the hell cares, seems like smoking weed at any time of the day or year is a great idea if you ask me.

The smoke-some-weed-on-4/20 phenomenon has totally evolved into a full fledged modern counterculture holiday where people, stoners and non-stoners alike, sit hand in hand and side by side and consume cannabis. Yep, stoners consider April 20^th a holiday. Seems likely enough, right? Every little minority group needs their own holiday, so why shouldn’t smoking each other’s weed not be considered a holy day for stoners? Some groups of people bastardize other past holidays and turn them into their own, but stoners are creative. They came up with an seemingly arbitrary date, justified it, linked it to the Dead or clouded it in mystery…and are going to run with it as far as they can.

Didn’t you notice the ‘spare the air’ notices circulating around the internet and the local news telecasts on 4/20, or was it Earth day? Who the fuck knows…but what I do know is that it wasn’t vast amounts of smog wafting through the air this weekend, folks, it was major amounts of pot smoke! Contact high for everybody.

You know, it’s not that stoners especially like honey, it’s just that much like McGuyver, stoners are really crafty and have a knack for transforming ordinary household objects into pipes or bongs…things like apples and well, honey bears.

It’s almost as if those cute li’l bears are shaped that way on purpose just so they can be turned into future bongs. And with just a few quick steps and a couple tools you too can make yourself a neat-o honey bear bong.

Interested in making one? Well, of course you are. So let’s get started, shall we? All you need is some weed, some sort of stem with a bowl on it and of course, the honey bear. Just follow these 3 simple steps:

1. Smoke some weed

2. Get the munchies

3. Eat a ton of stuff with honey on it

Now that the honey bear is empty…all you have to do is poke a hole in his belly and shove that stem thing inside him and…well, you are done.

Much like a really hot chick tying a cherry stem into a knot in her mouth, blowing smoke rings is the bar trick de jour in stoner circles. Maybe it was the very stoney hukka-smokin’ caterpillar in Alice in Wonderland who inspired the smoke ring phenomenon? Anyhow, smoke rings are a popular form of recreation for stoners…and it’s the type of pastime…a tradition if you will, that is passed down from one generation to the next. Oh, and I’m sure that chinese-eyed caterpillar was a stoner, aren’t you?

Yep, much like the lost art of story telling prior to the printed word, which came right before the digital word, the technique of blowing perfect smoke rings was passed down from elders to the young up and coming stoner groms.

High quality smoke rings, those that are thick, circular, and hover for a long time are the stuff of legend and a great sign of a stoner’s status. Veteran stoners have the ability to blow such rings and therefore command a higher status. But, it’s the guy who’s got the weed that will always have the highest status.

Much like a really hot chick tying a cherry stem into a knot in her mouth, blowing smoke rings is the bar trick de jour in stoner circles. Maybe it was the very stoney hukka-smokin’ caterpillar in Alice in Wonderland who inspired the smoke ring phenomenon? Anyhow, smoke rings are a popular form of recreation for stoners…and it’s the type of pastime…a tradition if you will, that is passed down from one generation to the next. Oh, and I’m sure that chinese-eyed caterpillar was a stoner, aren’t you?

Yep, much like the lost art of story telling prior to the printed word, which came right before the digital word, the technique of blowing perfect smoke rings was passed down from elders to the young up and coming stoner groms.

High quality smoke rings, those that are thick, circular, and hover for a long time are the stuff of legend and a great sign of a stoner’s status. Veteran stoners have the ability to blow such rings and therefore command a higher status. But, it’s the guy who’s got the weed that will always have the highest status.

To a stoner incense is like dark limousine tint, you know someone’s inside driving the car, you just can’t quite see them. According to stoners, the theory is that incense masks the aroma of burning weed. So whenever you walk into a room with a bunch of stoners getting hi, you’ll often smell incense. And, when there’s incense burning in the corner it gives the stoner a (false) sense of security, because they think no one will notice that oh so familiar aroma of a bruning dead skunk.

In fact incense is a great indicator of weed-smoking activity. Where there’s (incense) smoke…there’s fire…and that fire is usually found at the end of a joint. Light up a joint, light up some incense and well, now mom’s basement reeks of weed and sandalwood. Dead give-away guys.

In fact the whole incense industry is fully supported and wholly kept alive by one demographic; stoners. C’mon, who else uses this stuff, but stoners? Think about it for a second. You could walk into a myriad of stinky places and not smell Nag Champa in any one of ‘em! Consider the Laker’s locker room. Ya think it smells like a Buddhist shrine? No dude, it smells like sweaty gym socks and ass. What about Bessie’s Slaughter House? Ya think they’ll use Jasmine to cover of the smell of future cheeseburgers in there? Of course not. You see what I’m saying, incense is specifically created for the sole purpose of giving stoners an alibi.

What’s better than a sinfully sweet fudge brownie? That’s right; a sinfully sweet fudge brownie with weed in it! Remember when good ol’ Nigel Tufnel, lead axe of the band Spinal Tap and future VW ad star, was talking about his special geetar amp that went all the way up to 11? Well, adding weed to baked goods like cookies and brownies and stuff, kinda works the same way…it takes something already awesome and boosts it to 11! “Why not just make 10 the loudest number,” you ask? Well…because you can’t just go around boosting every li’l snack cake to 11 with weed, right?

Just ask any stoner and they’ll most definitely tell you that the time they were the most high, was when they ate some weed. It’s universally accepted by stoners that eating weed creates a most unique high. They’ll go on and on about how special it is and how distinctive it is…they’ll explain all about how it’s an “all-over body high”…delve into the nuances of it all. Oh, and the times that they were the most paranoid would correspond with times they’ve ingesting the most weed.

The medium for weed-baked treats can be just about everything from brownies to cookies to baked ziti with pesto weed sauce. The only real requirement is just the addition of weed, really. Oh and most of the time, the final outcome usually taste terrible…and you thought wheat grass tasted bad.

There are several ways to create weed-enriched baked goods. Some stoners make a compound butter by rolling butter in some weed. Sometimes they’ll even simmer some weed in butter to best extract all of the weed’s THC goodness. Impatience and munchies increase at the same rate, however. So the stoners best choice for quick contraband cookies is to just break out a roll of Mother’s Toll House cookie dough and mash a fistful of weed in it. Baking it is optional.

Question: What do you call a brownie with no weed in it?
Answer: A Frownie

What’s better than a sinfully sweet fudge brownie? That’s right; a sinfully sweet fudge brownie with weed in it! Remember when good ol’ Nigel Tufnel, lead axe of the band Spinal Tap and future VW ad star, was talking about his special geetar amp that went all the way up to 11? Well, adding weed to food is similar…it takes something already fab and boosts it to 11. Why not just make 10 the loudest number, you ask? Well…because you can’t just go around boosting every li’l snack cake to 11 with weed, right?

Just ask any stoner and they’ll most definitely tell you that the time they were the most high, was when they ate some weed. It’s universally accepted by stoners that eating weed creates the greatest high. They’ll go on and on about how special it is and how distinctive the high is…they’ll explain about how it’s an “all-over body high”…delve into the nuances of it all. Oh, and the times that they were the most paranoid would correspond with times they’ve ingesting the most weed.

The medium for weed-baked treats can be just about everything from brownies to cookies to baked ziti with pesto weed sauce. The only real requirement is just the addition of weed, really. Oh and most of the time, the final outcome usually taste terrible…and you thought wheat grass tasted bad.

There are several ways to create weed-enriched baked goods. Some stoners will make a compound butter by rolling it in some weed or they’ll even simmer some weed in butter to best extract all of its THC goodness then bake with that enhanced butter. Usually when a stoner is stoned while making contraband goodies, he’ll just break out the roll of Mother’s Toll House cookie dough, eat a few hunks of it, and mash a fistful of weed in it…sometimes they might even bake it. Oh, and often times when a stoner hears sirens and flashing lights they’ve been known to just eat it raw.

You would think that those people who call everyone “dude” are surfers or at least they’re Californians, right? Well, if you think that…you’d be wrong. Calling people dude is a very stoner thing to do and it doesn’t matter if they’re referring to a guy or a girl as dude is nowadays not tied to one particular gender. It’s a catch-all and, much like the word “fuck”…”dude” can mean a myriad of things depending on the inflection and context. Most of the time a stoner will use “dude” as a pronoun not because they’ve forgotten your name, but because…shit, who am I kidding? The word dude was coined by stoners precisely because they FORGOT YOUR NAME.

Dude, can mean; “this is great weed, man. Or, it can mean, “pass that joint here, man.” It could mean “hurry the hell up, man, I didn’t get my hit yet”. You see, there’s just an infinite amount of reasons a stoner would use such a word.