Stuff Stoners Like

We’re convinced that he’s thinking of shooting someone in the face, but we’re just not sure who. Leave comments with what you think he’s thinking, por favor.

Anyhow, you clicked the link and we’d like to reward you with a seat on the Stuff Stoners Like Joint Counsel. All you’ve got to do is click here.

Stoners don’t really grocery shop per se, but once the sacred leaf kicks into HIGH gear, you’ll often see a lil’l know phenomenon called a “munchy run” take place. A munchy run is a lot like a beer run; hell a munchy run is exactly like a beer run…well, since beer is inevitably on the list. Usual destinations are the closest Kwik-e-Mart, gas staion, vending machine, gramma’s cupboard, or whatever place has an abundance of pretzels, chips, cookies, etc. All of a sudden goodies like Twinkies and Ho-Ho’s take on an entirely new, deeper meaning…at least until either the weed, the sugar, or both wear off.

When the munchies hit, there’s no telling what kind of concoction a stoner’ll create at the nacho bar, because EVERYTHING suddenly looks good and sounds like a great idea when mixed together. You think kids came up with the “suicide soda”? Of course not, dudes, it was a stoner who couldn’t decide on either Pepsi, Sprite, Root Beer or Grape…so the fucker just mixed ’em all together and viola a new trend was born. Keeping this in mind, it’s not uncommon for stoners to “load up” on the type of fare that other mammals instinctively know to avoid. Things like donuts covered in melted cheese and jalapenos, chili dogs smothered in chocolate ice cream. Whatever. You think it sounds gross, right? Well, when the munchies hit…the rules are off and just about anything looks good…especially snacks within close proximity.

You know when you walk into a 7-11 to grab a Cherry-Coke Slurpee and some nachos and you over hear some dudes holding up a magazine letting out a really loud “whoa…look at those”? Well, I bet the first thing you’d think to yourself is, “self…just don’t pay attention to those 2 perverts salivating over some naked boobies,” right?

C’mon now ya’ll, don’t jump to such conclusions. This is 7-11 were talking about, ya know, not some porno shop. Sure 7-11’s got some boobies mags and shit, but those are usually kept behind the counter or all wrapped up in plastic or stuck in between the pages of BXM Action. Now, if you are a regular reader of this here column…and, if you were in such a situation…you’d quickly find yourself disarmed as you realize that you are overhearing two stoners drool over photos of buds.

Yep, to stoners, buds are the new boobs. And nowadays the centerfold of choice is a 2-page spread of delicious Purple Cush in the center of High Times magazine. Yeah, the days of oggling boobies printed on magazine pages are over, man, well that is, unless you are older than 11. Yep, there’s something special about admiring buds…you get mesmerized…kinda like what advertisers are hoping will happen when they paste up big-ass shots of juicy hamburgers on billboards.

If Fast Times at Ridgemont High was filmed today, Spiccoli’s room would be covered in photos of buds, not centerfolds torn form the pages of Penthouse.

Okay, so yeah, we mentioned Taco Bell as the fast-food joint (pun intended) that’s got all the cool stoner menu items, right? Well, now we’re wondering if good ol’ Jack in the Box is all super jealous of Taco Bell’s stoner market share, scouring our blog for stoner insight, or both!

What we’re getting at, boys and girls, is Jack in the Box has been marketing to stoners. And, in doing so they’re stealing from OUR culture and trying to commercialize on it (pun also intended). It’s bad enough that Judd Apatow and his lame-ass, chick-flicks disguised as “stoner” movies are ripping off and diluting our culture…now we’ve got that friggin’ Jack in the Box clown trying to cash in too! Several anti-drug groups have already protested the ad that ran last year, to which Jack in the Box reps responded dryly: “Our goal with this ad was to suggest that our tacos are an affordable and delicious way to satisfy one’s appetite.” Well, sure kangaroo-meat tacos are indeed a cheap way to “satisfy” the munchies, but did Jack in the Box marketers have to portray someone obviously driving totally high to get that message across? Jack in the Box certainly isn’t doing us or the Movement any favors by reinforcing such a destructive negative stereotype.