Stuff Stoners Like

There’s an underwater tunnel that connects California’s famed Oaksterdam and the ex-Naval base of Alameda, where the business with the most business on the street, the Purple Elephant canabis dispensary is set to close.

Since U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder’s vow in February that the Justice Department will no longer raid medical marijuana clubs that are established legally under state law, cities have had to get creative in their eradication efforts. Last week Alameda’s oppressive City Council upheld a decision to revoke the law-abiding club’s business license on grounds that the owner, Luke Coleman, misled them when he described his dispensary as “miscellaneous retail” on the application—-the same description of all the other marijuana dispensaries in California.

At a recent counsel meeting local failing jealous competing business owners admitted there was absolutely no increase in crime since the dispensary opened, but also admitted  they were proud to take a Not In My Back Yard stance. “We are the first ones to say we are all being NIMBYs. We don’t want this on our street,” Kathy Moehring, executive director of the West Alameda Business Association, said.

Well, the Supreme Court of the United States of America recently reminded the city of San Diego that marijuana dispensaries are exactly what they will get in their backyards whether they like it or not!

For now, the Purple Elephant will basically stay open as Coleman and his lawyer await their day in court or authorities put locks on the doors.

As you might remember California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger said back on Cinco de Mayo during a news conference that “it’s time for debate” on the issue of legalizing marijuana. Well, time has come today, Wednesday, May 27..and that debate should be happening around 2pm PDT. The big news aggregator Digg has been accepting questions for a “Dialogg” that CNN will host with the Governor live.

Out of a total of 2300 questions and counting, submitted by Digg users, guess what the number one question was? “What is your stance on the legalization, cultivation and regulation of marijuana in the state of California?”

No, that would be number two. “What the fuck were you thinking in this photo” actually has the pole position. Really? Yes, really.

SPOILER ALERT: Governor Schwarzenegger’s response to the legalization question: “I like the law that we have in place. I don’t believe in legalizing marijuana, but I’m always open to debate”. Then he went on again to mirror his last comment on the issue and say that he’d like to see studies of how other countries approached legalization. “I think it will be interesting to see the information available of how countries are doing that legalize marijuana.” Blah blah blah… Nothing new to see here folks, move along (sigh). Don’t believe us? No, problem…watch the video below if you want.

In honor of Bob Dylan’s 68th birthday this weekend (born May 24, 1941) we’d like to take you all back to a milestone moment in rock history: the day Bob Dylan got the Beatles stoned for the very first time.

Man, these things sure grow like weeds don’t they? So back on Earth Day, April 22, 2009, we dropped 3 clones into soil on behalf of our blog readers and Twitter followers. You might remember that we’re donating all the medicine from the plants to a local Oaksterdam dispensary who will be giving it out to patients in need. More info on the project can be found here.

Anyhow, it’s been a month and we wanted to give you an update on how Li’l Miss Purple Kush is doing…

Okay, so, we’re not really into the TV show “Weeds” or endorsing it or anything…but we are definitely into this li’l History of Weed promo they did.

Oh yeah, stoners love to cheat on tests…are you kidding us? No, man, we’re not talking about cheating on algebra or biology exams. Although, we imagine some stoners’ll cheat on those too. What we’re talking about is, of course, the dreaded…the most heinous…the drug test. Sure there are a lot of high-school-aged stoners out there who’d rather smoke weed and listen to Black Sabbath than study and go to class. And, well, those are pro’lly the same stoners who’ll be referring to this article for years to come.

Yep, the dreaded drug test comes in a variety of intrusive forms. Screeners can look for traces of THC in urine, blood, hair, whatever…it’s all forensic and shit…like a freakin’ episode of Special Homicidal Investigator Crime Scene Victim Unit or whatever the fuck that show is called. Undoubtedly, the most common screen for weed is the pee test, though. It’s cheap and well, let’s face it, not everyone’s got hair, but everyone’s gotta pee sometime. The pee test has to be one of the most un-cool, embarrassing and down-right violating tests in existence. Well, that and anything the fucking DMV throws at ya. Just a paper-thin, tiny, plastic cup is all that stands in the way of a stoner and their dream job, or staying outta jail, or keeping a gold medal in snowboarding…not to mention a full-bladder’s worth of urine.

Speaking of pee tests, there are tons of ways to cheat on ’em, dude. And, a few of them actually work so pay attention! You can swap your tainted-pee with Snapple Lemonade for one. We hear it works like a charm and it tastes great too. Some stoners prefer to go the exotic route of ingesting a lethal substance like a bit of bleach mixed with water. Sure it tastes horrible, but it’s not as bad as some of those weed salad dressings dispensaries are hawkin’ nowadays. Some stoners, we hear, put a bit of laundry detergent under a finger nail then piss on it to mix it into their urine. Those are the same stoners who make sure to dribble pee all over the cup and shake the hands of all the nurses and doctors on the way out. Watch out for them…they’re pro’lly looking to get food-service or Government jobs. We’ve heard tales of chuggin’ a few gallons of vinegar to burn out the THC or getting someone else’s piss like Tommy Chong’s pregnant sister’s. He got her to pee in a mason jar, it’s too bad Cheech drank it, however. (Note: drinking Chong’s pregnant sister’s pee will not help you pass a drug test).

In fact, a whole industry has emerged to help stoners pass  piss tests with technology including drinks that’ll magically flush out your system to drinks that’ll mask “certain” chemicals. And,  you can even buy a bag that straps to your leg, has a heater, and is filled with synthetic pee…which would be a great gag gift by the way.

Anyhow, stoners sure love to cheat on tests. Still wondering how the last three dudes who landed the job of ohhh…say…the President of the United States of America got that gig despite smoking pot? Yeah, we aren’t either…

Yesterday, after nearly a decade of debate, the Minnesota House and Senate finally passed a bill to allow medical marijuana use! Don’t get too excited, however, the bill is now making it’s way to Gov. Tim Pawlenty who allegedly isn’t a fan and there sure are a lot of restrictions.

The House version of the original bill was quite different from the Senate’s version. A provision allowing patients to grow their own marijuana was removed, and a controversial amendment restricted the use of marijuana to terminally ill patients suffering a debilitating illness. The latter amendment removes medical marijuana eligibility for cancer patients undergoing chemotherapy who need the drug to combat nausea. Sounds like a lot of restrictions, doesn’t it? Well, at least it’s a start.

The bill would establish a licensing system for patients who have a doctor’s recommendation for weed. They would then be issued a photo ID card that allows them to purchase medical cannabis at state-licensed dispensaries.

Should the proposal continue to stall at the Capitol, which is expected, medical marijuana supports vow to consider a constitutional amendment which will take the issue right to voters. Of the 13 states with medical marijuana laws, nine have passed through popular vote. So there’s hope!

Today, the US Supreme Court REFUSED to hear a landmark case brought by San Diego County stemming from a law suit they filled back in ’06 that challenged the state-mandated use of ID cards for medical marijuana patients. The ID card program was adopted in 2004, resulting from the legislature’s passage of SB 420, the Medical Marijuana Program Act. The ID cards can substitute for doctor recommendations for the use of cannabis, allow patients to access medical marijuana dispensaries in California, and can be shown to police officers who find patients in possession of marijuana.

Well, San Diego decided not to play along with the ID card game arguing that the federal ban on weed trumps  state law. The San Diego Superior Court and the Fourth District Court of Appeals rejected that argument. And, the California Supreme Court refused to review the case in 2008. Despite those failures the San Diego Board of Supervisors voted to appeal to the U.S. Supreme Court! And, well that didn’t work out! The end of this case and the Obama administration’s decision not to raid law-abiding medical marijuana clubs has supercharged the legalization movement now.

“The courts have made clear that federal law does not preempt California’s medical marijuana law and that local officials must comply with that law,” said Joe Elford, chief counsel with Americans for Safe Access (ASA), a national medical marijuana advocacy group with a large presence in California. “No longer will local officials be able to hide behind federal law and resist upholding California’s medical marijuana law.”

“The Supreme Court and the lower courts in California have blown away the myth that federal law somehow prevents states from legalizing medical marijuana,” said Rob Kampia, executive director for the Marijuana Policy Project.

ASA has also notified ten weed-unfriendly holdout counties (Colusa, Madera, Mariposa, Modoc, Mono, San Bernardino, San Diego, Solano, Stanislaus, and Sutter) of their legal obligation to implement the ID card program. Change is coming whether they like it or not.

They grow up so fast don’t they? You might remember back on Earth Day, April 22, 2009, that we planted 3 clones on behalf of our loyal blog readers and Twitter followers. And you might also remember that we’re donating all the medicine from the plants to a local Oaksterdam dispensary who will be giving it out to patients in need. More info on the project can be found here.

Anyhow, it’s been a couple of weeks and we wanted to give you an update on how your plants were doing…

A new Petaluma, California lobby group known as the Treatments, Herbs and Cannabis Foundation is lobbying for a “Marijuana Business Program” over at Sonoma State University. The group is reaching out to Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, San Francisco D.A. Kamala Harris and Petaluma Police Chief Steve Hood, to support their mission to establish a Statutory Cooperative, Marijuana Business Program, California Marijuana Research Program and University Operated Production Facility. As the Great State of California moves closer to legalization there’s mounting anticipation that jobs will need to be filled and soon. The suggested courses are geared towards students interested in getting involved in the quickly evolving marijuana industry. The program would initially offer a bachelor of science degree in business administration. Nearly two years ago Petaluma’s city council voted to ban medical marijuana dispensaries. The foundation looks to change that. Currently, the’re looking for a CEO. They turned to Craigslist in their search and have had nearly 200 responses according to spokesman Joseph Tremolada. “Approximately 60 from well established corporate executives,” he added.  Get involved! You can find more information about the THC foundation here.