| // // |
Our prayers have been answered and we’re not talking about Legalization. Soon, you’ll be able to smoke a tomato to get stoned. Yep, a few days ago scientists at Montsaint Genie Tech Inc. announced that they have successfully transferred the gene segment that produces THC in weed to many other common garden plants, including tomatoes, cucumbers, lettuce, carrots, and more.
Sounds too good to be true? Oh, and close your mouth by the way…there’s more; “We probably can put the THC segment into almost any plant in existence,” says lead scientist Rebeca Vale. “It’s a very simple process. We are starting work on oak and maple trees now.” Oh, man, just imagine chicken ‘n’ waffles and syrup that gets you stoned!
But wait a second, you can’t really get stoned from a vine ripened tomato can you? “If someone were to dry it and smoke it, all of the medicinal and psychotropic effects of marijuana would be present. And what’s more, we have learned that tomatoes, in particular, actually produce more THC than cannabis itself,” says the coolest scientist on the face of planet Earth, Vale.
Okay, great, I can smoke a tomato and get stoned, but is this tomato, which has been touched by the hand of god, legal? “Actually, yes,” says Vale. Wha?
“Our research qualifies as GMO ‘intellectual property’, as does the process itself. Since tomatoes and other plants are not illegal, a person would be well within the law to grow them and use them as they please,” says Vale. She also says that her soon to be coolest company on planet Earth is working on a spray that will transfer the segment to many plants simply by spraying the leaves of seedlings.
“It’s a very simple process,” she says. “Anyone can do it. We plan to start selling the spray – ‘Genie Mist’ – in a matter of weeks. One bottle will sell for five dollars and be capable of treating 6,000 seedlings.”
C’mon, these things have to taste like shit, right? So, uhm how do they taste? “Scrumptious,” Vale says. “But, of course, they are best when roasted.”
Stuff Stoners Like 